"Don't make contact with their teeth."

We just watched Children of the Living Dead. I'd been warned about this one: The words "Festival of Crap" were used. Still, I needed to see it.

About five minutes into it, I turned to Nikki and suggested we list every stupid thing that happens in the movie -- and even at the five-minute mark, the list was impressive. We ended up with 55, but that's only because we got tired of writing after a while. I wanted to list them here, but they wouldn't make sense to you, out of context and all, and... honestly, I just can't be bothered. I want to put this one as far behind me as possible.

Besides, Dead Kev over at allthingszombie.com wrote a review, and he nailed it. Here's an excerpt:

"In the diner scene where Mathew is talking to his onscreen love interest Laurie (Jamie McCoy), she pours him a cup of coffee, much like any good waitress would do. She sets up some silverware, and then proceeds to take his cup away and pour a new one for him. Now he’s yet to even take a sip and he’s on his second cup. She then wipes up some spillage (how did it spill? he still hasn’t had a drink yet) and then pours some more coffee. Then if you’re really paying attention on the next cut, you can see her still pouring coffee at the bottom corner of the frame. Then he leaves without paying a bill of any kind, and without ever having any of the multiple cups of coffee he was poured.

That's a microcosm of the whole film."

Nikki asked me to stab her in the face with a spoon to end her torment. But I fell back on the "for better or worse" deal, and we made it through together. But I'll have to wash with steel wool for a month to get the scum from this one off me.